I once had a scary experience with a useless homosexual man. If you know me well, you will know I love women so what could have brought me in contact with gays? My brother, it is condition that made crayfish to bend o…
It happened during the time when the government didn’t know what to do about falling oil prices, scarce FOREX and fuel scarcity. I had to travel far to meet up with one interview like that. Since petrol was so scarce, the fare of petrol powered vehicles was hiked by 100%. I saw no sense in travelling by petrol powered buses. I opted to go by night bus… those Marcopolo buses. They’re diesel powered so their fares remained relatively cheap.
When travelling in smaller vehicles, I prefer to sit in the front with the driver so I could see the road. But in this case, it was a big bus… I picked a seat close to the back of the bus so I could see everything going on around me. The bus was yet to full so there was plenty time. I made myself comfortable in my seat and took out my phone to surf the net.
While I was browsing, a Toyota Sienna full of some boxes parked not far from my bus. After some time, the park boys unloaded the boxes from the Sienna to the bus I boarded. The owner of the boxes, a sweaty guy in his late forties wouldn’t stop cursing the government. He said he wanted to fly the boxes but air fares had increased by 300% due to scarcity of aviation fuel so he had no choice than to go by road. In my mind, I felt for the man. How can one make profit when the cost of transporting one’s goods has jumped by 100%?
About five minutes later, an Evil Spirit burst into the park and screeched to halt right beside me. Four guys dressed in posh suits came out of the car and soon joined us in the bus. I thought they would sit together since they came in a group but they didn’t. One sat in the front just behind the driver, another sat by the front door, another sat by the back door and the last guy… sat beside me. If you’re still wondering sort of car is called Evil Spirit, It’s a nickname the local people gave the 2008-2012 Honda Accord because of it mean looking headlights.
The bus finally left the park about thirty minutes later. To my utmost displeasure, the guy beside me started barraging me lots of annoying talks. He asked me…
Where are you from?
How many sisters are in your family?
Bros, you are fine o, do you have a girlfriend?
Have you kissed a boy before?
In my mind, I was like… Mr. Man, please stop patronizing me with useless questions. I answered his questions as politely as I could while trying to discourage him from asking more questions.
Some hawkers who sell bottled drinks and sausages soon came by. I called one of the guys to buy a cool bottle of Sprite. My ‘neighbor’ called out to a sausage hawker and ordered a drink and two Gala Sausages. As I was about to pay for my drink, the guy told me not to worry, brought out a neat wad of cash and paid for the stuffs. He tossed one of the sausages on lap and jovially told me to enjoy myself. I am not so used to being dashed things so I was somehow shocked by his show of generosity. Well, who am I to reject his offer. I smiled and thanked him.
As the bus took off, I reclined in my seat and pretended to be asleep. You know why? Something fishy seemed to be going on in the bus. My neighbor shifted his attention from me and began to exchange weird signals with the other guys he came with. Then one of them… the guy sitting but the front door burst into gospel songs and began to clap as if his hands were cymbals. Trust our people… they joined him singing and clapping. I quietly sat with my eyes half closed observing the guys in suit. The way they dressed, you’ll think they’re missionaries.
Suddenly, I felt a jolt on my crotch. It was my neighbor o. He asked why don’t I join them in singing? I asked him if it is my crotch I should use to sing. He smiled and said he only hit me there by mistake when he wanted to tap my lap to wake me to join the bus’s ‘fellowship’. I told him I’m fatigued and would like to rest. He asked if I am ‘Born Again’. I told him not to worry… we’ll talk about it later, but I need to rest. He grinned and said I should sleep well o… and I should pray not to wake up in hell fire. In my mind, I retorted back at him; ‘it is you and your next generation that will wake up in hell fire.’
After singing, the guy behind the driver stood up and said ‘let us pray’. The guys in the bus lowered their heads while the ladies covered their heads with whatever they could lay their hand on. The guy started to pray… for the journey to end in success… he prayed that the bus should not encounter ‘roadblocks” or overzealous policemen that would delay our journey. Everyone chorused …”Amen!”. Then the Pastor guy shouted hallelujah, clapped his hands and sat down quietly. Why he went so silent after being so loud a few minutes earlier, I wondered. It’s not my business anyway. I looked out of the window and was about to doze off when I saw it.
Please ask me… what did I see? The Honda Accord that dropped the guys at the park glided beside my window and overtook the bus. The bus driver suddenly slammed the brake cursed loudly and shouted at the stupid car to get out of his way. The guy on my side chuckled and then burst into laughter. Then the pastor guy sprung up, brought out a pistol under his suit and raised it into the air. Some people on the bus screamed… “Jeeeezzusss!!!”
“Anybody that wants to die should come and fight me.” Says the ‘Pastor’. Nobody stood up. The people closer to him frightfully bowed their heads. By this time, the guy behind the driver had his pistol on the driver’s head. The guy at the back door was also up with his pistol. Only ‘my neighbor’ remained seated but he sooner brought out his own pistol.
The bus was diverted to what seemed like an abandoned petrol station off the highway. They kicked everyone out of the bus and ordered us to lay on the floor face down with hands and legs spread apart. They said they’ll shot anybody that attempts to raise alarm. Then they carted the trader’s boxes into the Honda. “My Friend” and Pastor acted as look outs while the other robbers tossed each box between them until the box lands at the trunk of the car.
The trader began to cry. He said he took loan from a bank to buy the goods and begged the robbers to have mercy on him. Pastor Robber told him to shut up but trader continued to wail and plead. At one point, sat up and faced the robbers to plead with them. Pastor Robber ordered him to lay on the floor but trader refused while begging. The next thing I heard was “kpaa!” Trader screamed, grabbed his leg and collapsed on the ground in agony. The women present began to wail and weep.
One of the robbers shouted at us to surrender our mobile phones but ‘my neighbor’ overruled him. Then Pastor walked to the lady beside me and roughly kneaded her buttocks. He ordered her to get up and take off her trouser. Then he said we should sit up on the floor and watch him. Right there in front of us, he had carnal knowledge of the lady. Those who tried to look away were hit on the head with the butt of the pistol and warned to keep their eyes open. When Pastor Robber was done, the next robber picked his woman and did the same to her until four of them had satisfied themselves. ‘my neighbor’ curiously didn’t participate in the rape.
In my mind at the time, I thought… aren’t women meant to be aroused only when they have been thoroughly romanced? I expected the robbers to have a hard time penetrating the ladies but I was disappointed. It seemed the ladies were already drooling wet before it got to their turn.
Pastor Robber asked ‘my neighbor’ if he wouldn’t have fun. ‘My neighbor’ sighed, nodded his head and pointed his pistol at me. He said I should get up. Me? What is my offense nah? He said I should take off my trouser and follow him. I didn’t understand why I should take off my trouser so I looked around confused. A hard blow suddenly landed on my cheek from behind. I staggered and almost fell on the ground. Pastor Robber charged at me, grabbed my trouser, yanked it off my legs and warned me to stop wasting their time as it was getting late. Then another robber, with his pistol at my back, piloted me to the other side of the bus away from the other passengers.
I met ‘my neighbor’ there smiling with his trouser off and a bottle of oil in his hand. He said I should take off my boxer shorts and I shouldn’t be scared because he is in love with me so he’ll do it gently. My people, what kind of nonsense is this?
I, me, myself… I can’t comprehend why it is that out of all the fresh boobs and pussies in this world, it is my flat, hairy bum-bum that this idiotic pervert wants to fuck. At the time, I thought it was impossible for a man to get erection at the sight of another man’s nakedness so how is he going to enter my bum-bum? I mockingly took of my boxer shorts and bared my ass at him.
My dear, when I looked behind my back, what did I see? I saw ‘my neighbor’ happily lubricating his erect manhood with oil. Alarm bells rang in my head. What shall I do now? Should I commit suicide? I’ll rather use myself to do voodoo money ritual or sell my organs to make my younger ones rich than die wretched under one useless madman’s dick. As ‘my neighbor’ walked to me and pointed his lubricated rod at my ass, I sharply clenched my bum-bum tightly together. The idiot tried to yank my bum apart with his free hand… eh? In fact, I crossed my legs into letter X.
Then we heard a loud female cry from the other side. ‘my neighbor’ instructed the other robber to go check what was wrong. The other guy dashed off leaving just the two of us there. He slapped my head and barked at me to stop wasting his time. I refused to budge. Then he swore he’s going to deal with me for being stubborn. He took a few steps aside to drop his pistol… I’m sure wherever he is today, alive or dead, he would still be regretting ever dropping the pistol.
As he turned against me and bent down to place the pistol on the ground, I didn’t know what came over me. You know how soccer goal keepers do when they want to kick a ball from their hands into the air? That’s what I did. I took one step with my left leg and swung the right foot with full force into ‘my neighbor’s’ crotch. Whether my foot smashed his scrotums or not, I don’t know. What I know is that ‘my neighbor’ let out a yelp… “Yeeeehhh… My balls o o o o …!!!” and collapsed on the ground in pain while clenching his genitals. A gunshot responded from the other side of the bus.
My people, do you know what I did? I ran o, I ran for my dear life. I didn’t even bother to pick my boxer shorts; I jumped over the station’s low fence and darted into the bush. Three more gunshots came my direction. I kept running without looking back until I was deep inside the bush and everywhere became silent. Then I stopped, looked around and sat on the ground breathing heavily with relief.
It is where one problem ends that another problem will start. I felt a sharp sting on my bare thigh, looked down and saw a giant tse-tse happily fly sucking my blood. I promptly smashed the thing dead. The blood it had sucked nearly filled my palm. Another fly stung my neck and flew away before my hand could reach it. I knew I had to get out of the bush immediately if I don’t want to be sucked dry as supper by thousands of tse-tse flies around. I got up, tied my shirt around my waist and started going back the same way I came in from the bush. The robbers must have gone by the time I got back to the gas station.
It wasn’t long that I before I heard voices of some local people speaking a language I don’t understand. I cocked my hear to pick the direction the voices were coming from and headed that way. Surely, there must be a foot path that leads to the highway around here. Then I saw about six people who were obviously returning from their farms walking briskly in a straight file. I was happy I could get some help from the people after telling them my ordeal.
As I walked from the bush into the foot path and called out to the people, the last guy in the back turned around, looked at me, took to his heels and started shouting something I couldn’t understand. The other people didn’t even bother to turn around; they all arched their backs and ran after the last guy who had overtaken them. I thought the robbers had come into the bush to fetch me so I took to my heels too and tried to catch up with the people but the faster I ran to try catch up with them, the faster the people ran until we got to the highway. The first guy stopped, turned around to look at me again and sat on the highway’s shoulder panting heavily.
The people… three men and three women turned to me and asked me a barrage of questions… “Who am i? Where did I come from? How did I get into the bush? Where are my clothes?” I told them I was a victim of highway robbery who managed to escape into the bush. The people said it was the sound of gunshots that prompted them to leave their farms so they were tensed when the first guy raised alarm. I asked the guy as he sprawled on the ground if he saw the robbers in the bush. He said no… he didn’t see me when he walked by earlier so when he turned around and suddenly saw me behind him, he thought I was a ghost… switched his gears from two to six.
Photo Credit: Daily Mail